I lie here trying to sleep and I can’t which normally leads to really REALLY long rambly blogs (I’m sorry?) Tonight is a general update and some shit laying heavy on my heart so I’m going to try to get it all out and see if I can sleep. This, this is my mood right now. *sigh*
The bleeding seems to have stopped or at least slowed to a point that I no longer look like I tried to kill someone with my pelvis every few days. So has, however the weight loss. I’m stuck at 295-297 (depending on when and where I weigh), plateaued, and with my physical issues, not sure how to break it. Normally more activity so I burn more calories, I have some exercises I can do from the bed and I’ll try those. (the bed cause if I get on the floor, I’m not getting back up. As I don’t keep two large men to pick me up and carry me places (I don’t know why not, that seems convenient) we’ll start out up here and see if we can’t get to a point where the floor’s not so scary. I am watching calories, not obsessively but I’m pretty much bedridden right now, because of that fainting/not able to get up thing, so I eat less than the average 1000-800 someone with a modern sedentary life should eat. I’m one step above not moving at all so some fancy math was done and I’m between 600 and 800 calories a day (please don’t freak out, yes my drs know, yes other than being low on potassium, I’m fine on this number) I don’t want to cut that to 400-700 a day, I think that’s headed way too far in the anorexic range. Also Liquid Potassium tastes like crap. I had to drink it. If you’ve ever tasted pedialyte, imagine that, orange flavor and concentrated. It was NOT GOOD!
For those who don’t know, I fainted at the OBGYN. We aren’t sure why yet. Though I now know from a whole damn ER room full of people that I don’t look 43 and that I hate fainting AND being hooked up to machines for hours. Which, seeing how much time I spend on the computer is sort of ironic. Also that I am anti-sticky and electrodes don’t like me unless I DON’T want them on me, then I wake up the next day with 3 stuck in odd spots. One tore off a bit of skin under my left boob which kinda hurts.
I am made up of all the whine right now, can you tell?
In my spare time (cause I have anything else besides Doctor’s Office Time and Sleeping for No Reason Time) I’ve taken to playing Warframe. I play games at my own pace. I /however/ have learned that I am a horrible spy where lasers are concerned and all data will be lost cause I sneezed or something.
I started as this guy: Volt cause who doesn’t like zapping EVERYTHING with electricity. I also started out one planet ahead of where I should have. Don’t do that, it makes leveling take forever. This is actually Volt Prime, which I do not have (yet) and I grabbed a bow instead of a gun because I wanted to. I feel like that’s had me at a disadvantage half the time in groups. He is/was fun, but so far not my favorite. Groups aren’t hard to get and like 33 people on my steam f-list play it, so I might be able to get them to play with me.
I moved on from him to Trinity, She’s more healing than anything else and I (so far) like her best. I just got her to 30 tonight (which is current max level) AND got her Kubrow (which is a sorta dog with a pig nose pet that fights with you. Mine likes to run off and chomp things, which as I’m mostly heals and energy renewal, is very helpful. This is a screen snap of the ending/starting screen for the quest to get the Kubrow but since that’s what my Trinity looks like and aside from being stripy and armor covered also what my pet looks like. Suzy called it a very angry Llama. I named her Juniper, something else Suzy finds hilarious as it’s such a nice, sweet name for something that growls and is mostly made of teeth and angry. (she says this relates to my cat being named Patti, which I didn’t do, she came with that name, it’s not my fault she’s a little black cotton ball of death)
I’m working on Saryn now. She does all kinds of nifty toxic attacks that as I’m too tired to concentrate on them tonight, I can only do one of but it’s… interesting. She infects the enemies with spores and when they die and the spores pop they infect everyone around them (Hey Resa! I’m a Rakghoul 😛 ) She has 3 other abilities that I’ve yet to learn, but I’ll get there and then I can ocd obsess over getting the others and building them and such.
The game is far more complex than I gave it credit for. You have to gather resources to build items to have better and different weapons. So it gives it an in depth crafting system which is something I really enjoy. You chase down blueprints, see what resources it needs, chase down the resources, some of which can be very elusive and then you tell the foundry to build it. You can build multiple items at once which is nice but can also put a heavy drain on resources. So back to farming you go. At the moment, I have the blueprint for Dread, a Bow that belongs to an NPC called the Stalker who has, for no good reason mind you, marked my Trinity for death. It need Plastids…400 more… each time I get close to the 900 I need to make it, I forget and make something else and have to go get more. I know there is ‘endgame’ to it, but each time I progress a bit further, I find more and more to keep me interested.
And I think I’m being lied to. Or was lied to. *sigh*
Doubt was the original title to this post, but I changed it. I’ve all but stopped Roleplaying in SL and I need to ask a question before I start again. I had forgotten how important both social (with friends) and erotic rp (with my lover) is to me I am scared to ask it. Something is missing right now, something is off and I think I put my finger on it tonight. Now the question is, will asking this person get me a defensive response, and cause him to try to gaslight me into thinking this is all in my head or will the truth come out. I get so less angry when the truth comes out.
Mentally, I’m doing better, sorta freaking at the fact that I’m out of refills on most of my important meds, and the idea of changing my entire medical team except the Therapist and the Shrink. I mean I’m not going to run out like NEXT WEEK (of anything but the sleeping pills, thanks FDA) but that ‘no refills left, we’ll call your doctor’ text sucks when said doctor’s office hasn’t called you back after 3 messages in two weeks.
Also, I miss singing. I wanna sing again.
g’nite (part 2)