WTF I’m shrinking?

I’ve not been private about my weight loss journey.  I’ve actually been very open about it, not just to maybe encourage someone else to do the same (it’s scary, looking at yourself and admitting things you never actually wanted to face in the first place, seeing someone else do it can make a huge difference)   I’ve actually been more private about my body since I’ve lost the weight than before.

 

I don’t like it much right now.

 

Extra skin sucks, it makes me look heavier than I am, make me reluctant to try on new clothes or anything as it’s in the way and it makes me feel like I somehow failed somewhere along the way, just because I couldn’t offset the process.

It also means at some point. Surgery.  Redheaded, under the gray hair, really, also means I’m hell on anesthesia.  I need more to be put under or numbed but I’m also prone to stop breathing while under.  So the idea scares me.   Right now, I am sitting at about 180 to 170, we’re not 100% sure due to odd scale readings.  I seem stuck at that weight, but I’m not.  we just keep taking numbers from 5 scales and averaging them up for the mean. I may be as low as 165-150. One doctor theorizes that if the skin is removed I’ll be below my goal weight of 140-135.  I’d just like this baby belly gone.  I hate it.

I’m going to post some photos (shocking I know).  Some of you have already seen them.  Some of you have only seen a few of them.

for the Curious, willing and generous:

Things Julia desperately needs:

  1. To be measured and then purchase at least one new bra. ALL of mine now fall off or down.  Including the 40D that was too small a year ago (I have it on in the photos, my boobs are not that saggy, it was trying to be a belt..stupid bra)
  2. Pants that will still be wearable if/as I keep shrinking. Like yoga pants or something.  I have two pairs of ‘comfy’ loose pants, 1 pair of jeans and a lot of t-shirts trying to become dresses that I can still wear.
  3. better self-esteem.  Please let me know where to get some as I hated my body at 388 lbs and I seem to still hate it at 170?ish lbs.
  4. Food.  I’m stupidly hungry right now 😀

 

Ok here we go.  Please do comment, please be nice?

(also loose size 16 jeans and an oversized white t-shirt do not make for good progress photos.)

Starting me: 388 lbs.

The Drink Umbrella Makes The Look.
July of 2015. Somewhere between 358 and 340

We moved, chaos hit, I had a nervous breakdown, most of 2015 went undocumented. Sorry.

 

I was REALLY bad at chronicling this process in 2015, so we jump to September of 2016. and somewhere between 230 and 220

Two days before Halloween 2016. We think, 180. I say 200ish still. we have no idea. At this point I’ve given up on scales, and am going by how things fit. (the ones I own, not well rofl.)

 

Late November of 2016. Still not got an accurate number on a scale, but at this point my 16’s began to feel looser and I wore a “normal” size L womens t-shirt without even thinking about it until I had it on

 

These two are what a Lupus and Sjogren’s Syndrome flare that’s been ongoing for 2 months looks like, and the toll it takes on you. Yes, I am as exhausted as I look in both of these. Also taken late last week, so January 2016

 

Taken on the 17th of Jan (yes two days ago) Holy cheekbones batman! No I am not duckfaceing. I have a stupid Cupid’s Bow mouth and that’s just it’s shape. This is the thinnest I have EVER seen my face post my late teen years. (I had no cheek hollows then, cause I still had face-baby fat)

And no. I won’t smile. Google Sjogren’s for reason one. Also cause they’ll revoke my goth card if I do.

 

Ok the photos I hate.  Full Body shots, Taken on Tuesday, the 17th.  My awesome therapist took them.  Next time I’ll fish out the one pair of yoga pants I have that fit and a tighter shirt. I can do nothing about the bra issue. It wants to escape and be a belt.

I hate these. Yes, that shirt says “Wookie of the Year.” Shut up, I didn’t buy it and I like it. This is current.

The facing forward photo, oh gods, the other reason I don’t smile in photos.  I swear I should have been one of those kids who practiced smiling or something. I’m bad at it when told to do so on demand.

I am by no means Skinny.  I am, however, far, far smaller than I started out.

Hopefully, the surgery gets re-approved (fuck you BCBS) and I can work on toning and such.

Already doing some belly dance and though I have to hold on to something, squats, along with leg lifts and such.   There is no magic shrink belly fat exercise, in fact, most of them actually make you thicker as you put muscle on under the fat.  Build Core Strength, is what I was told, and it will sloooooowly come off.  Chad, the boyfriend, (hello love) said on his last visit that he thinks most of the belly area is just loose skin.  He is very likely right.

I’ll update more in the future.  Even more full body photos and they terrify me.

 

<3

Dia

2 thoughts on “WTF I’m shrinking?

  1. Dia! chuckles you are still my favorite person! and still family. i know this journey can suck, but know also that im still slightly sane and am willing to be an ear, or a potato or something.

    — james

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